Defeating Sexual Abuse, Rape and Molestation
Peter is a Sexual Abuse Specialist.
Peter approaches this in a very unique way!
Dealing with this requires specialist knowledge for effective results
He consults with clients all over the world via video.
Go to contact page to connect with Peter
Peter approaches this in a very unique way!
Dealing with this requires specialist knowledge for effective results
He consults with clients all over the world via video.
Go to contact page to connect with Peter
For an Appointment: Contact Peter
Overcoming Sexual Abuse, Rape and Molestation
Child-molestation and rape is rampant today, everywhere around the world. Where before it was an isolated issue, it has now become an every day occurrence.
Should proper healing not take place, molestation and/or rape destroys the person (male and/or female) who experienced it. It can even destroy their families. The healing-process of sexual abuse is a skill and it is required to be managed appropriately, in order to sufficiently support the survivor. Healing any form of sexual abuse requires an intimate knowledge of what the effect is on the Soul and the psyche of the person involved. Sexual abuse affects many and not only is it the child in question affected, but also the parents, grandparents, extended family and siblings. However, in many cases where there were siblings in the family, it often reveals that another or all the siblings were also abused sexually.
Molestation has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with one person exerting their power and control over defenseless other. Many do this because they are incapable of establishing a relationship with someone of their own age. This incapability gets misinterpreted by many and is seen as control. Control plays such a minor part in it. Any form of sexual abuse is the height of abuse, as it is the raping of one's very own soul. This is the kernel of what needs to be understood in order for full healing to take place.
The ravages of molestation do not end upon completion of the act. They follow the survivor throughout their lives. The effects are vast and are played out in many different ways in the affected person’s life. The effect of molestation, rape or abuse touches on the insecurities of every family member of the child.
When a child is sexually abused in any way, what do they face?
Here is a list that most survivor’s are affected with: shame; feels unlovable; not good enough; dirty; everyone can see and knows about it; have a deeps sense of shame (almost that you feel that there is something wrong with me); can’t trust; distrusts authority; unsatisfying sex; distrust of men and/or women; hide behind barriers; low self-worth or self-esteem; non engagement in life; difficulty in expressing feelings and therefore relationships are a struggle: struggle to say no; a severely affected psyche that can result in obesity, anorexia and/or other negative behaviours such as prostitution, alcoholism, drug addition, etc.; no one will believe them; inability to express their feelings; are feelings illiterate; live in their heads; have inappropriate sexual beliefs and behaviour; they are only good enough to be used for sexual gratification; when things go wrong in life, it is somehow their fault; power is abusive; can’t be themselves and have to be someone else in order to be accepted; have to do things to be accepted by others; deny themselves; are often floaty and not present; have to carry family secrets; have great difficulty in saying no; inability to put healthy boundaries in place; etc., etc. The list is endless.
This is a mere example of what I have come across in the belief systems that the survivors have taken on about themselves, as a result of the sexual abuse. Each of the belief systems above has to be to be worked with and resolved for the survivor.
They perceive themselves to be bad. Dirty! What is most unfortunate about it all is the fact that the sexual abuse is very seldom a one-time occurrence. Often the child becomes an object for the abuser's use at his every whim, or whenever the situation arises. Adding to the trauma is the fact that many times the child is threatened in some way, should they even think of confiding in anyone else. The most used lines are: They will never believe you, and they will believe me; If you tell, I will hurt your mother, your family, threaten to do something to your pet … or whatever the child holds most dear. This puts a tremendous burden on the child on top of the burden of the initial molestation and directly affects their energy system.
The best possible solution to this dilemma is for the child to tell the mother or another adult and the perpetrator being confronted, arrested and put away. However, the truth of the matter is that this very seldom happens! Should the child be brave enough to tell say the mother, it becomes such a shock that the mother's world shatters right in front of her. The next most destructive thing to happen is the mother accusing the child of lying. Many times this is done merely out of the mother's own shock, but it has devastating effects upon the child. The children often retreat within themselves telling themselves that if Mom won’t believe me or support me, who in the world will. Besides being the victim and feeling shame, guilt and a loss of any self-worth or self-esteem that they may have had, the situation is now magnified by the mother's perceived disbelief and the child is left confused with nowhere to turn. The child is between that rock and hard place, experiencing nothing less than complete disillusionment and distrust of the world and others in it!
Most mothers have no idea of how to heal this, let alone know how to cope with this news from her child – they just don’t have the relevant skills. Many times the mother's disbelief is nothing other than denial, as to acknowledge this as truth, is the destruction of life, as she knows it. It is very unfortunate that because of their own lack of self-esteem and because of their own insecurity, many mothers will put their own perceived well-being before that of their own child. Often the perpetrator is in a relationship with the mother and her dependence, both physical and emotional on the person in question, takes precedence over the child's physical and emotional well-being. This is the scenario happens when someone is in a relationship out of "need" rather than "love."
The stage is then set for a destructive life pattern that will hound them, until it is resolved within and will play out in every facet of their lives. A child, who through no fault of their own has been violated, is now not believed and supported. What a great tragedy!
Some children try and find the next best solution and they then seek (because they are seeking release for themselves in some unconscious way) to confide in another adult, such as a teacher. To their surprise this often results in an unexpected result and creates further pain within them. Often to protect that child, they are removed from the family and put into foster care. This creates further trauma for the child who is deeply affected by this and who now feels that it is entirely their fault! They also feel guilty and shameful and learn that it is not safe to express themselves, as doing this leads to unexpected painful things happening to them. As a result, they often get isolated from those that they love and care for.
Regardless of the circumstances, a child loves and needs to be with their parents, especially their mother. This is an instinctive bond that cannot be broken. Although the child is removed for their own protection, this adds more grief on top of the other unmanageable burdens that the child already bears. All the while, the child perceives that this entire dilemma is their fault, they are responsible and they caused it. Often society will turn on the child and say it was the way they were behaving. This confuses and magnifies the feelings inside that the child already sits with. A child normally perceives that any conflict in the home is their fault and in this case, the abuser and/or their mother, may have just reinforced it.
On the other hand, when a mother believes the child and takes the appropriate steps to bring the abuser to justice, it does not necessarily bring about a recipe for a happy ending. There is still trauma that both the child and the mother undergo as each of them experiences their own different trauma. However, the child in question is of primary concern. They are the ones who receive everyone's undivided attention, even if the case goes to court and the perpetrator is incarcerated. The mother often too is left to deal with her own feelings of guilt about letting her child down, trust of the world around her and trauma, alone.
Whether the child receives no help or relief, it is often the prescription for a ruined life and leads to: promiscuousness, unwanted pregnancies, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, prostitution, destructive relationships, the complete inability to apply proper boundaries, etc. and the list goes on and on from there.
Healing/ Defeating Sexual Abuse
However, what is very important is that this does not have to be the end of the child/adult or their mother's lives. Healing can and does occur every day, and they can all go on and lead happy and fulfilling lives afterwards. Of course, proper specialist counseling and therapy are paramount for this to happen. Incorrect therapy often leads to further disillusionment by the survivor. Don't give up, you are in good hands here!!
Should proper healing not take place, molestation and/or rape destroys the person (male and/or female) who experienced it. It can even destroy their families. The healing-process of sexual abuse is a skill and it is required to be managed appropriately, in order to sufficiently support the survivor. Healing any form of sexual abuse requires an intimate knowledge of what the effect is on the Soul and the psyche of the person involved. Sexual abuse affects many and not only is it the child in question affected, but also the parents, grandparents, extended family and siblings. However, in many cases where there were siblings in the family, it often reveals that another or all the siblings were also abused sexually.
Molestation has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with one person exerting their power and control over defenseless other. Many do this because they are incapable of establishing a relationship with someone of their own age. This incapability gets misinterpreted by many and is seen as control. Control plays such a minor part in it. Any form of sexual abuse is the height of abuse, as it is the raping of one's very own soul. This is the kernel of what needs to be understood in order for full healing to take place.
The ravages of molestation do not end upon completion of the act. They follow the survivor throughout their lives. The effects are vast and are played out in many different ways in the affected person’s life. The effect of molestation, rape or abuse touches on the insecurities of every family member of the child.
When a child is sexually abused in any way, what do they face?
Here is a list that most survivor’s are affected with: shame; feels unlovable; not good enough; dirty; everyone can see and knows about it; have a deeps sense of shame (almost that you feel that there is something wrong with me); can’t trust; distrusts authority; unsatisfying sex; distrust of men and/or women; hide behind barriers; low self-worth or self-esteem; non engagement in life; difficulty in expressing feelings and therefore relationships are a struggle: struggle to say no; a severely affected psyche that can result in obesity, anorexia and/or other negative behaviours such as prostitution, alcoholism, drug addition, etc.; no one will believe them; inability to express their feelings; are feelings illiterate; live in their heads; have inappropriate sexual beliefs and behaviour; they are only good enough to be used for sexual gratification; when things go wrong in life, it is somehow their fault; power is abusive; can’t be themselves and have to be someone else in order to be accepted; have to do things to be accepted by others; deny themselves; are often floaty and not present; have to carry family secrets; have great difficulty in saying no; inability to put healthy boundaries in place; etc., etc. The list is endless.
This is a mere example of what I have come across in the belief systems that the survivors have taken on about themselves, as a result of the sexual abuse. Each of the belief systems above has to be to be worked with and resolved for the survivor.
They perceive themselves to be bad. Dirty! What is most unfortunate about it all is the fact that the sexual abuse is very seldom a one-time occurrence. Often the child becomes an object for the abuser's use at his every whim, or whenever the situation arises. Adding to the trauma is the fact that many times the child is threatened in some way, should they even think of confiding in anyone else. The most used lines are: They will never believe you, and they will believe me; If you tell, I will hurt your mother, your family, threaten to do something to your pet … or whatever the child holds most dear. This puts a tremendous burden on the child on top of the burden of the initial molestation and directly affects their energy system.
The best possible solution to this dilemma is for the child to tell the mother or another adult and the perpetrator being confronted, arrested and put away. However, the truth of the matter is that this very seldom happens! Should the child be brave enough to tell say the mother, it becomes such a shock that the mother's world shatters right in front of her. The next most destructive thing to happen is the mother accusing the child of lying. Many times this is done merely out of the mother's own shock, but it has devastating effects upon the child. The children often retreat within themselves telling themselves that if Mom won’t believe me or support me, who in the world will. Besides being the victim and feeling shame, guilt and a loss of any self-worth or self-esteem that they may have had, the situation is now magnified by the mother's perceived disbelief and the child is left confused with nowhere to turn. The child is between that rock and hard place, experiencing nothing less than complete disillusionment and distrust of the world and others in it!
Most mothers have no idea of how to heal this, let alone know how to cope with this news from her child – they just don’t have the relevant skills. Many times the mother's disbelief is nothing other than denial, as to acknowledge this as truth, is the destruction of life, as she knows it. It is very unfortunate that because of their own lack of self-esteem and because of their own insecurity, many mothers will put their own perceived well-being before that of their own child. Often the perpetrator is in a relationship with the mother and her dependence, both physical and emotional on the person in question, takes precedence over the child's physical and emotional well-being. This is the scenario happens when someone is in a relationship out of "need" rather than "love."
The stage is then set for a destructive life pattern that will hound them, until it is resolved within and will play out in every facet of their lives. A child, who through no fault of their own has been violated, is now not believed and supported. What a great tragedy!
Some children try and find the next best solution and they then seek (because they are seeking release for themselves in some unconscious way) to confide in another adult, such as a teacher. To their surprise this often results in an unexpected result and creates further pain within them. Often to protect that child, they are removed from the family and put into foster care. This creates further trauma for the child who is deeply affected by this and who now feels that it is entirely their fault! They also feel guilty and shameful and learn that it is not safe to express themselves, as doing this leads to unexpected painful things happening to them. As a result, they often get isolated from those that they love and care for.
Regardless of the circumstances, a child loves and needs to be with their parents, especially their mother. This is an instinctive bond that cannot be broken. Although the child is removed for their own protection, this adds more grief on top of the other unmanageable burdens that the child already bears. All the while, the child perceives that this entire dilemma is their fault, they are responsible and they caused it. Often society will turn on the child and say it was the way they were behaving. This confuses and magnifies the feelings inside that the child already sits with. A child normally perceives that any conflict in the home is their fault and in this case, the abuser and/or their mother, may have just reinforced it.
On the other hand, when a mother believes the child and takes the appropriate steps to bring the abuser to justice, it does not necessarily bring about a recipe for a happy ending. There is still trauma that both the child and the mother undergo as each of them experiences their own different trauma. However, the child in question is of primary concern. They are the ones who receive everyone's undivided attention, even if the case goes to court and the perpetrator is incarcerated. The mother often too is left to deal with her own feelings of guilt about letting her child down, trust of the world around her and trauma, alone.
Whether the child receives no help or relief, it is often the prescription for a ruined life and leads to: promiscuousness, unwanted pregnancies, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, prostitution, destructive relationships, the complete inability to apply proper boundaries, etc. and the list goes on and on from there.
Healing/ Defeating Sexual Abuse
However, what is very important is that this does not have to be the end of the child/adult or their mother's lives. Healing can and does occur every day, and they can all go on and lead happy and fulfilling lives afterwards. Of course, proper specialist counseling and therapy are paramount for this to happen. Incorrect therapy often leads to further disillusionment by the survivor. Don't give up, you are in good hands here!!
TESTIMONIAL
"Peter is an excellent Sexual Abuse Counsellor. He holds the space beautifully with loads of compassion, care and support for the survivor! I could not have been held in a more safe and caring environment throughout my time of healing, and with Peter's assistance, I managed to turn my life around completely. Thank you for your guidance and assistance Peter!
Linda Frederickson"
"Peter is an excellent Sexual Abuse Counsellor. He holds the space beautifully with loads of compassion, care and support for the survivor! I could not have been held in a more safe and caring environment throughout my time of healing, and with Peter's assistance, I managed to turn my life around completely. Thank you for your guidance and assistance Peter!
Linda Frederickson"