Romantic Relationships
SUCCESSFUL ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE DEVELOPED. IT IS A LEARN-ABLE SKILL THAT EVERYONE REQUIRES AND THAT SHOULD BE DEVELOPED
Below is an outline or framework that I have constructed when teaching about relationships and how they should function. In the body below, you will find many principles, that if applied in a relationship, will make any relationship move to a better and deeper place. I have never yet had anyone tell me differently!
In the book “The Prophet” written by Kahlil Gibran, there is a story about marriage. Inside this context is what I have found to be the most relevant material written yet on relationships. Inside this short text, once we start to unravel it more and more, we find truths of such extraordinary value it is just amazing. I have used this outline for couples in relationship workshops. It never ceases to amaze me how my own learning evolves from this piece of work.
Marriage / Relationships
Then Almitra spoke again and said, “and what of Marriage Master”?
And he answered saying:
You were born together and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the Oak tree and the Cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
The symbolism that is present in this story and the truth thereof is huge. Below are some of the relationship tools you can consider. I would like the reader to ponder what he means, when he talks about:
Some Other Thoughts on Relationships
Self Development across the three of the four core parts of you, namely: the emotional intelligence, mental intelligence, and spiritual development are essential. Please follow the links to get a good understanding of each.
These three are inter-woven together, and when fully developed in each partner, lead to a fulfilling, deeply supportive, mutual empowering, and loving relationship. It is also then that children that emanate from this relationship will become well balanced. This will lead to them seeking well developed partners for themselves, and they too will have well developed children. So the more you grow you, the greater your contribution is to your relationship, your children, and your future happiness.
This also serves for greater consciousness on the planet.
COMMITMENT WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP
Knowledge of your feelings and the expression of them leads to wholesome heart to heart interactions. The more you do that in your relationship, the more you move along the ladder to commitment (discussed in body energetics on this website). The ladder is heart-felt, heart and meaning, and meaningful, which naturally leads onto commitment.
Without commitment you cannot learn to care for another person more than yourself, nor learn to value the growth of strength and clarity in another soul, even if that threatens the wants of your personality. When you release the wants of your personality in order to accommodate and encourage another's growth, you attune yourself to that person's soul. Without commitment, you cannot learn to see others as your soul sees them - beautiful and powerful spirits of Light.
You learn the roles of love and commitment and trust in making your partnership work. You learn that love alone is not enough, that without trust, you are not able to give and to receive the love that both of you have for each other. You learn that your commitment must be translated into a form that satisfies the needs of both you and your partner. You learn to value the needs of your partner as much as you value your own because the partnership that you both want, requires two healthy and inwardly secure individuals.
You learn that sharing your concerns with consideration and the intention to heal and trust in the process is the only appropriate avenue. As you approach your needs with courage instead of fear you ignite a sense of trust. The true human condition in its most perfect form has no secrets. It does not hide, but exists in clear love.
Individuals who experience what might be thought of as a martyr attitude see themselves as giving all that they have to others. They see this as a form of loving, but in truth the love that they give is contaminated because it is so filled with sorrow for themselves. A sense of guilt and powerlessness clouds the energy from their hearts and so when the other feels their affection, it does not actually feel good. It feels somehow thick and heavy with need, yet the need is never articulated so their love feels like quicksand sucking you in.
Each interaction with each individual is part of a continual learning dynamic. When you interact with another, an illusion is part of this dynamic. This illusion allows each soul to perceive what it needs to understand in order to heal. It creates, like a living picture show, the situations that are necessary to bring into wholeness the aspects of each soul that require healing within the relationship.
The illusion is a learning vehicle. It is of the personality. You will leave the illusion behind when you die, when you return home. Yet a personality that lives in love and Light, that sees through the eyes of its soul metaphorically speaking, can see the illusion and simultaneously not be drawn into it. This is an authentically empowered personality.
The illusion is exquisitely intimate to the needs of each soul. Every situation always serves each person involved. You cannot and will not encounter a circumstance or a single moment that does not directly and immediately serve the need of your soul, in order for you to heal and to come into wholeness. The illusion for each soul is created by its intentions.
Trust allows you to laugh. You can just as easily laugh and play while you grow or you can become serious and overwhelmed. Spiritual partners see it from the perspective of the impersonal and they help each other see from that perspective, the meaning of their experiences. They can laugh at the richness and the beauty and the playfulness of the Universe. They enjoy each other. They see the frustrations of the wants of the personality for what they are and the learning’s, sometimes great learning’s, for the soul.
Humility Within the Relationship
An authentically empowered person is humble. A humble spirit walks a familiar world. People are not strangers to it - they are its companions upon the Earth. A humble spirit does not ask for more than it needs and what it needs, the Universe provides. A humble spirit is content with the fulfilment of its authentic needs and is not burdened with artificial needs. Humble spirits are free to love and to be who they are and they have no artificial standards to live up to. They are not drawn to the symbols of external power and they do not compete for external power. This does not mean to say that they do not take pride in what they can do well, that they do not focus their efforts to produce the best that they can or are not spurred onward by their fellow humans, when that is appropriate to the situation.
Dissolution of Relationships
Many relationships come to an end in some way over time. We need to look at them for what they are and their purpose and what they did for us while we were in the relationship – for we all grew from the experience in some way. That is the reason that we were attracted to them in the first place – they were opposite to us in many aspects and we were supposed to learn those skills from the other. If we don’t and leave it to the other, then conflict in the relationship arises and maybe eventually, we split up. When that happens we should look at the dissolution as a joyous occasion.
Reasons for dissolution of the Relationship – this is discussed in session
Dissolution with honour and how to do it – this is discussed in session
Safety Contract
When you are in a relationship and things are a bit rough, then I suggest that you try to put a safety contract in place between you and your partner. I have an outline, which I teach when I offer it in a workshop environment. It is something of profound value and has turned many a relationship around. This can also be discussed in session.
Results
From personal experience the safety contract between my wife and I have brought a great deal of safety, depth, mutual deep love, respect, nurturing and caring, which has resulted in not only a wonderful relationship, but one that promoted rapid growth on both sides.
I have also used the safety contract with great success between partners, parents and children, business partners, same sex partners and colleagues.
To make a booking, please see details in the footer.
Below is an outline or framework that I have constructed when teaching about relationships and how they should function. In the body below, you will find many principles, that if applied in a relationship, will make any relationship move to a better and deeper place. I have never yet had anyone tell me differently!
In the book “The Prophet” written by Kahlil Gibran, there is a story about marriage. Inside this context is what I have found to be the most relevant material written yet on relationships. Inside this short text, once we start to unravel it more and more, we find truths of such extraordinary value it is just amazing. I have used this outline for couples in relationship workshops. It never ceases to amaze me how my own learning evolves from this piece of work.
Marriage / Relationships
Then Almitra spoke again and said, “and what of Marriage Master”?
And he answered saying:
You were born together and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the Oak tree and the Cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
The symbolism that is present in this story and the truth thereof is huge. Below are some of the relationship tools you can consider. I would like the reader to ponder what he means, when he talks about:
- The temple and the columns
- Being connected to mother earth, the foundation, practicality of things
- Being connected to the divine i.e. the roof, sacredness of the relationship
- Being independent yet interdependent
- Giving each other space to experience life, yet support each other
- Life being allowed to flow between each other, the winds and oceans
- Each pillar being a pillar of strength on its own, yet working together to support their share of the temple roof / relationship
- The bond of love – that it is not all consuming – i.e. that I exist because the other loves me, rather let it be a like a moving sea between you and yet to give and receive equally (not just take)
- Giving and receiving – not just giving and taking (bread and drink)
- Having fun, laughter, laughing at and about you, at life, at mistakes, doing fun things together, etc.
- Talks about you loving yourself and not letting someone else tell you how to love or that they should look after your heart on your behalf
- Each pillar standing on its own, i.e. not supporting another, holding up another or not carrying another – this does not lead to the support the temple roof and it would lead to collapse
- How important it is, that the pillars are apart, to support the roof, and are connected to mother earth, and that they are not too near to each other – each has a space in the sun and must stand in the sun and not in each other’s shadow or take on responsibility of the other.
- The fact that each one is not responsible for the other; each should be encouraged to be their own person. If one takes on the responsibility of the other, that partner is in effect stealing from the other partner, the possibility of growth. I am the only one who is responsible for me – no one else. No one can do it for me either, only me.
- Each column, to be a column has to have boundaries to exist – if not, it cannot be a column
- The importance of male and female being present in their own column but are also together yet are their own being. In every relationship there is a male and female present no matter what kind of sex relationship it is. How the male and female stimulate that other part of us.
- How can it be that, the other partner is there because they want to be there, and not because they need a partner for some or other reason, or are bound by a document. They are attracted to your magnetic energy that you produce and will stay as long as you make it worthwhile. That means that if you carry on growing you, your partner will always offer more and so it becomes a richer and richer relationship.
- How mutual empowering each other on a continuous basis, leads to a fully empowered relationship. Mutual empowerment is an absolutely essential ingredient for successful relationships.
Some Other Thoughts on Relationships
Self Development across the three of the four core parts of you, namely: the emotional intelligence, mental intelligence, and spiritual development are essential. Please follow the links to get a good understanding of each.
These three are inter-woven together, and when fully developed in each partner, lead to a fulfilling, deeply supportive, mutual empowering, and loving relationship. It is also then that children that emanate from this relationship will become well balanced. This will lead to them seeking well developed partners for themselves, and they too will have well developed children. So the more you grow you, the greater your contribution is to your relationship, your children, and your future happiness.
This also serves for greater consciousness on the planet.
COMMITMENT WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP
Knowledge of your feelings and the expression of them leads to wholesome heart to heart interactions. The more you do that in your relationship, the more you move along the ladder to commitment (discussed in body energetics on this website). The ladder is heart-felt, heart and meaning, and meaningful, which naturally leads onto commitment.
Without commitment you cannot learn to care for another person more than yourself, nor learn to value the growth of strength and clarity in another soul, even if that threatens the wants of your personality. When you release the wants of your personality in order to accommodate and encourage another's growth, you attune yourself to that person's soul. Without commitment, you cannot learn to see others as your soul sees them - beautiful and powerful spirits of Light.
You learn the roles of love and commitment and trust in making your partnership work. You learn that love alone is not enough, that without trust, you are not able to give and to receive the love that both of you have for each other. You learn that your commitment must be translated into a form that satisfies the needs of both you and your partner. You learn to value the needs of your partner as much as you value your own because the partnership that you both want, requires two healthy and inwardly secure individuals.
You learn that sharing your concerns with consideration and the intention to heal and trust in the process is the only appropriate avenue. As you approach your needs with courage instead of fear you ignite a sense of trust. The true human condition in its most perfect form has no secrets. It does not hide, but exists in clear love.
Individuals who experience what might be thought of as a martyr attitude see themselves as giving all that they have to others. They see this as a form of loving, but in truth the love that they give is contaminated because it is so filled with sorrow for themselves. A sense of guilt and powerlessness clouds the energy from their hearts and so when the other feels their affection, it does not actually feel good. It feels somehow thick and heavy with need, yet the need is never articulated so their love feels like quicksand sucking you in.
Each interaction with each individual is part of a continual learning dynamic. When you interact with another, an illusion is part of this dynamic. This illusion allows each soul to perceive what it needs to understand in order to heal. It creates, like a living picture show, the situations that are necessary to bring into wholeness the aspects of each soul that require healing within the relationship.
The illusion is a learning vehicle. It is of the personality. You will leave the illusion behind when you die, when you return home. Yet a personality that lives in love and Light, that sees through the eyes of its soul metaphorically speaking, can see the illusion and simultaneously not be drawn into it. This is an authentically empowered personality.
The illusion is exquisitely intimate to the needs of each soul. Every situation always serves each person involved. You cannot and will not encounter a circumstance or a single moment that does not directly and immediately serve the need of your soul, in order for you to heal and to come into wholeness. The illusion for each soul is created by its intentions.
Trust allows you to laugh. You can just as easily laugh and play while you grow or you can become serious and overwhelmed. Spiritual partners see it from the perspective of the impersonal and they help each other see from that perspective, the meaning of their experiences. They can laugh at the richness and the beauty and the playfulness of the Universe. They enjoy each other. They see the frustrations of the wants of the personality for what they are and the learning’s, sometimes great learning’s, for the soul.
Humility Within the Relationship
An authentically empowered person is humble. A humble spirit walks a familiar world. People are not strangers to it - they are its companions upon the Earth. A humble spirit does not ask for more than it needs and what it needs, the Universe provides. A humble spirit is content with the fulfilment of its authentic needs and is not burdened with artificial needs. Humble spirits are free to love and to be who they are and they have no artificial standards to live up to. They are not drawn to the symbols of external power and they do not compete for external power. This does not mean to say that they do not take pride in what they can do well, that they do not focus their efforts to produce the best that they can or are not spurred onward by their fellow humans, when that is appropriate to the situation.
Dissolution of Relationships
Many relationships come to an end in some way over time. We need to look at them for what they are and their purpose and what they did for us while we were in the relationship – for we all grew from the experience in some way. That is the reason that we were attracted to them in the first place – they were opposite to us in many aspects and we were supposed to learn those skills from the other. If we don’t and leave it to the other, then conflict in the relationship arises and maybe eventually, we split up. When that happens we should look at the dissolution as a joyous occasion.
Reasons for dissolution of the Relationship – this is discussed in session
Dissolution with honour and how to do it – this is discussed in session
Safety Contract
When you are in a relationship and things are a bit rough, then I suggest that you try to put a safety contract in place between you and your partner. I have an outline, which I teach when I offer it in a workshop environment. It is something of profound value and has turned many a relationship around. This can also be discussed in session.
Results
From personal experience the safety contract between my wife and I have brought a great deal of safety, depth, mutual deep love, respect, nurturing and caring, which has resulted in not only a wonderful relationship, but one that promoted rapid growth on both sides.
I have also used the safety contract with great success between partners, parents and children, business partners, same sex partners and colleagues.
To make a booking, please see details in the footer.
