EFFECTS OF Sexual Abuse ON THE VICTIM
SEXUAL ABUSE, RAPE AND MOLESTATION
Everywhere around the world molestation and rape is rampant amongst children (girls and boys), woman and men. Previously it was perceived to be isolated occurrences, however, it has now become an everyday occurrence throughout the world.
Sexual abuse severely impacts the person who experienced it, and proper healing should be considered. Their sexual abuse can have severe impact not only on themselves, but also on their partner/s and their families. The healing-process of sexual abuse is a specialized skill, required to be managed appropriately, in order to sufficiently support the survivor.
Healing anyone form of sexual abuse requires an intimate knowledge of what effect it has on the person's psyche on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. Sexual abuse often can affect many within the family unit. Not only is the child in question affected, but also their parents, grandparents, siblings and/or extended family. In many cases where there are siblings in a family of the abused, it becomes evident that another one of the siblings or all of them were also sexually abused.
Molestation may not include penetration, but has the same affect as rape on the individual. Both are a violation of the abused person's personal space. It too is one person exerting their influence and control over a defenseless other, who usually has no idea what is going on. Many perpetrators do this because they are incapable of establishing a sexual relationship with someone of their own age. This incapability of the perpetrator is often is seen by the SURVIVOR as invasive and/or a form of control. Control plays such a minor part in it. Any form of sexual abuse is the height of invasion forced upon another, without their consent or approval. It is the raping of one's being to the very core, and this is the kernel of what needs to be understood, addressed and resolved in order for full healing to take place.
The ravages of molestation or rape does not end upon completion of the act, whether it happened once or many times over. This follows the survivor throughout their lives, and the effects thereof are vast and plays out in many different ways. The effects, insecurities and beliefs of the survivor's molestation and/or rape, will touch every one of their family members until full healing has taken place.
WHAT IS IT THAT SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED FACES?
Here is a list that many survivors are affected with:
These are some examples of what I, as a counselor, have come across whilst working with sexual abuse survivors. Their belief systems that they have taken on about themselves are horrendous to say the least. Each one of their own belief systems needs to be worked through and resolved, in order to be properly healed. Please see the subconscious mind and belief systems page on our website for the mechanics of how it happens.
The survivor often perceives themselves to be bad and/or dirty and what is most unfortunate about sexual abuse, is the fact that it very seldom occurs only once. Often the abused person becomes an object for the perpetrator's use at their every whim, or whenever the situation arises. Adding to the trauma, is the fact that many times the survivor is threatened by the perpetrator in some way, should they even think of confiding in, or telling anyone else. The most used lines are: They will never believe you, and they will believe me; If you tell, I will tell / hurt your mother or family; threaten to do something to your pet; or threaten the survivor with something they hold most dear. The "secret" puts a tremendous burden on them, on top of the burden of the initial molestation, and directly affects their energy system.
The best possible solution to this dilemma is for the survivor to tell the mother or another adult about it so that the perpetrator can be confronted, arrested and put away. However, the truth of the matter is that this very seldom happens! Should the child/person be brave enough to tell, say, the mother, it becomes such a shock that the mother's world shatters right in front of her. The next most destructive thing to could happen is that the mother accuses the child/person of lying. Many times, this is done merely out of the mother's own shock, but it has devastating effects upon the child/person. The children/persons often retreat within themselves telling themselves that if Mom won’t believe me or support me, who in the world will. Besides being the victim and feeling shame, guilt and a loss of any self-worth or self-esteem that they may have had, the situation is now magnified by the mother's perceived disbelief and the child/person is left confused with nowhere to turn. The child is between a rock and hard place, experiencing nothing less than complete disillusionment and distrust of the world, and others in it!
Generally, most mothers have no idea of how to heal this, let alone know how to cope with this news from her child, and in most instances, they just don’t have the relevant skills to handle it. Many times, the mother's disbelief is nothing other than denial, as to acknowledge this as truth is the destruction of life, and she knows it. This is very unfortunate, as a lack of her own self-esteem and insecurity, many mothers will put their own perceived well-being before that of their own child unconsciously. Often the perpetrator is in a relationship with the mother and her dependence, both physical and/ or emotional, is on the perpetrator and this takes precedence over the child's/person's physical and emotional well-being in that moment. This is the scenario that often occurs when the mother is in a relationship that she is dependent upon, or reliant on, out of "need" rather than "love."
The stage is then set for a destructive life pattern that will hound the survivor and it will play out in every facet of their lives, until this is resolved within them. A child or person, who through no fault of their own, has been violated, is often not believed and supported. What a great tragedy this is!
Some children try and find the next best solution by confiding in another adult, such as a teacher, because they are seeking release from themselves and their burden in some unconscious way. To their surprise this often results in an unexpected way, creating further pain within them. Often, for protection of that child, they are removed from the family and put into foster care. This creates further trauma for the child who is deeply affected by this and who now feels that everything is entirely their fault! They also feel guilty and shameful and learn that it is not safe to express themselves, as doing this leads to unexpected painful things happening to them. As a result, they often get isolated from those that they love and care for.
Regardless of the circumstances, a child loves and needs to be with their parents, especially their mother. This is an instinctive bond that cannot be broken. Although the child is removed from a family for their own protection, this adds more grief on top of the other unmanageable burdens that the child already bears. All the while, the child perceives that this entire dilemma is their fault, they are responsible, and they caused it. Often society will turn on the child and say it was the way they were behaving. This confuses and magnifies the feelings inside, that the child already sits with. A child often perceives that any conflict in the home, is their fault somehow and in this case, the abuser and/or their mother, may have just reinforced this belief.
On the other hand, when a mother believes the child and takes the appropriate steps to bring the abuser to justice, it does not necessarily bring about a recipe for a happy ending. There is still trauma that both the child and the mother undergoes, as each of them experience their own different traumas. However, the child in question is of primary concern. They are the ones who receive everyone's undivided attention, even if the case goes to court and the perpetrator is incarcerated. The mother often too is left to deal with her own feelings of guilt about letting her child down, trust of the world around her, and facing her trauma alone.
Whether the child receives no help, or relief, it is often the prescription for a ruined life that can lead to: promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, prostitution, destructive relationships, with complete inability to apply proper boundaries, etc. in their lives. The list goes on and on from there.
HEALING / DEFEATING SEXUAL ABUSE
However, what is very important is that this does not have to be the end of the child/adult or their mother's lives. Healing can and does occur every day, and they can all go on and lead happy and fulfilling lives afterwards. Of course, proper specialist counselling and therapy are paramount for this to happen. Incorrect therapy often leads to further disillusionment by the survivor. I often tell my clients that it is often a male that has negatively affected them, so working with one that rebuilds them, can be very therapeutic and it restores their faith and trust in men. They will then seek out a male-partner that is worthy of trust, that can care for and nurture them. When this happens to the survivor, it is personal proof that they have been properly healed.
Don't give up yourself! There is a life to be had after all, and we are here to support you through your healing journey.
Everywhere around the world molestation and rape is rampant amongst children (girls and boys), woman and men. Previously it was perceived to be isolated occurrences, however, it has now become an everyday occurrence throughout the world.
Sexual abuse severely impacts the person who experienced it, and proper healing should be considered. Their sexual abuse can have severe impact not only on themselves, but also on their partner/s and their families. The healing-process of sexual abuse is a specialized skill, required to be managed appropriately, in order to sufficiently support the survivor.
Healing anyone form of sexual abuse requires an intimate knowledge of what effect it has on the person's psyche on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. Sexual abuse often can affect many within the family unit. Not only is the child in question affected, but also their parents, grandparents, siblings and/or extended family. In many cases where there are siblings in a family of the abused, it becomes evident that another one of the siblings or all of them were also sexually abused.
Molestation may not include penetration, but has the same affect as rape on the individual. Both are a violation of the abused person's personal space. It too is one person exerting their influence and control over a defenseless other, who usually has no idea what is going on. Many perpetrators do this because they are incapable of establishing a sexual relationship with someone of their own age. This incapability of the perpetrator is often is seen by the SURVIVOR as invasive and/or a form of control. Control plays such a minor part in it. Any form of sexual abuse is the height of invasion forced upon another, without their consent or approval. It is the raping of one's being to the very core, and this is the kernel of what needs to be understood, addressed and resolved in order for full healing to take place.
The ravages of molestation or rape does not end upon completion of the act, whether it happened once or many times over. This follows the survivor throughout their lives, and the effects thereof are vast and plays out in many different ways. The effects, insecurities and beliefs of the survivor's molestation and/or rape, will touch every one of their family members until full healing has taken place.
WHAT IS IT THAT SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED FACES?
Here is a list that many survivors are affected with:
- have a deeps sense of shame (almost that you feel that there is something wrong with them)
- guilt
- have to hold secrets
- feels unlovable
- not worthy
- not good enough
- not accepted and all alone in the world
- dirty - defiled, unclean, impure
- everyone can see they have been abused and everyone knows their secret
- can’t trust
- distrusts authority
- thinks sex is love
- unsatisfying sex
- distrust of men and/or women
- hide behind their own barriers
- low self-worth or self-esteem
- non-engaging in life (an observer of life)
- too fearful to participate in life, generally
- disassociated - often floaty and not present in the moment
- difficulty expressing their feelings and therefore relationships are a struggle
- have great difficulty to say no
- a severely affected psyche that can result in obesity, anorexia and/or other negative behaviours such as: prostitution, alcoholism, drug addition, etc.
- no one will believe them
- inability to express their feelings and are mostly feelings illiterate
- live in their heads
- have inappropriate sexual beliefs and behaviour - they are only good enough to be used for sexual gratification
- when things go wrong in life, it is somehow their fault and they are to blame
- abuse power - can’t be themselves and have to be someone else in order to be accepted
- have to do things for others in order to be accepted
- deny themselves of fun, pleasure, happiness and joy
- carry secrets and sometimes those of a family
- inability to put healthy boundaries in place
- etc., etc. - the list is endless.
These are some examples of what I, as a counselor, have come across whilst working with sexual abuse survivors. Their belief systems that they have taken on about themselves are horrendous to say the least. Each one of their own belief systems needs to be worked through and resolved, in order to be properly healed. Please see the subconscious mind and belief systems page on our website for the mechanics of how it happens.
The survivor often perceives themselves to be bad and/or dirty and what is most unfortunate about sexual abuse, is the fact that it very seldom occurs only once. Often the abused person becomes an object for the perpetrator's use at their every whim, or whenever the situation arises. Adding to the trauma, is the fact that many times the survivor is threatened by the perpetrator in some way, should they even think of confiding in, or telling anyone else. The most used lines are: They will never believe you, and they will believe me; If you tell, I will tell / hurt your mother or family; threaten to do something to your pet; or threaten the survivor with something they hold most dear. The "secret" puts a tremendous burden on them, on top of the burden of the initial molestation, and directly affects their energy system.
The best possible solution to this dilemma is for the survivor to tell the mother or another adult about it so that the perpetrator can be confronted, arrested and put away. However, the truth of the matter is that this very seldom happens! Should the child/person be brave enough to tell, say, the mother, it becomes such a shock that the mother's world shatters right in front of her. The next most destructive thing to could happen is that the mother accuses the child/person of lying. Many times, this is done merely out of the mother's own shock, but it has devastating effects upon the child/person. The children/persons often retreat within themselves telling themselves that if Mom won’t believe me or support me, who in the world will. Besides being the victim and feeling shame, guilt and a loss of any self-worth or self-esteem that they may have had, the situation is now magnified by the mother's perceived disbelief and the child/person is left confused with nowhere to turn. The child is between a rock and hard place, experiencing nothing less than complete disillusionment and distrust of the world, and others in it!
Generally, most mothers have no idea of how to heal this, let alone know how to cope with this news from her child, and in most instances, they just don’t have the relevant skills to handle it. Many times, the mother's disbelief is nothing other than denial, as to acknowledge this as truth is the destruction of life, and she knows it. This is very unfortunate, as a lack of her own self-esteem and insecurity, many mothers will put their own perceived well-being before that of their own child unconsciously. Often the perpetrator is in a relationship with the mother and her dependence, both physical and/ or emotional, is on the perpetrator and this takes precedence over the child's/person's physical and emotional well-being in that moment. This is the scenario that often occurs when the mother is in a relationship that she is dependent upon, or reliant on, out of "need" rather than "love."
The stage is then set for a destructive life pattern that will hound the survivor and it will play out in every facet of their lives, until this is resolved within them. A child or person, who through no fault of their own, has been violated, is often not believed and supported. What a great tragedy this is!
Some children try and find the next best solution by confiding in another adult, such as a teacher, because they are seeking release from themselves and their burden in some unconscious way. To their surprise this often results in an unexpected way, creating further pain within them. Often, for protection of that child, they are removed from the family and put into foster care. This creates further trauma for the child who is deeply affected by this and who now feels that everything is entirely their fault! They also feel guilty and shameful and learn that it is not safe to express themselves, as doing this leads to unexpected painful things happening to them. As a result, they often get isolated from those that they love and care for.
Regardless of the circumstances, a child loves and needs to be with their parents, especially their mother. This is an instinctive bond that cannot be broken. Although the child is removed from a family for their own protection, this adds more grief on top of the other unmanageable burdens that the child already bears. All the while, the child perceives that this entire dilemma is their fault, they are responsible, and they caused it. Often society will turn on the child and say it was the way they were behaving. This confuses and magnifies the feelings inside, that the child already sits with. A child often perceives that any conflict in the home, is their fault somehow and in this case, the abuser and/or their mother, may have just reinforced this belief.
On the other hand, when a mother believes the child and takes the appropriate steps to bring the abuser to justice, it does not necessarily bring about a recipe for a happy ending. There is still trauma that both the child and the mother undergoes, as each of them experience their own different traumas. However, the child in question is of primary concern. They are the ones who receive everyone's undivided attention, even if the case goes to court and the perpetrator is incarcerated. The mother often too is left to deal with her own feelings of guilt about letting her child down, trust of the world around her, and facing her trauma alone.
Whether the child receives no help, or relief, it is often the prescription for a ruined life that can lead to: promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, prostitution, destructive relationships, with complete inability to apply proper boundaries, etc. in their lives. The list goes on and on from there.
HEALING / DEFEATING SEXUAL ABUSE
However, what is very important is that this does not have to be the end of the child/adult or their mother's lives. Healing can and does occur every day, and they can all go on and lead happy and fulfilling lives afterwards. Of course, proper specialist counselling and therapy are paramount for this to happen. Incorrect therapy often leads to further disillusionment by the survivor. I often tell my clients that it is often a male that has negatively affected them, so working with one that rebuilds them, can be very therapeutic and it restores their faith and trust in men. They will then seek out a male-partner that is worthy of trust, that can care for and nurture them. When this happens to the survivor, it is personal proof that they have been properly healed.
Don't give up yourself! There is a life to be had after all, and we are here to support you through your healing journey.
